Monday, 6 October 2014

Doctor Who: Kill The Moon



Wh...what the.....? What was....WHAT THE DID I JUST WATCH?! That was horrible! HORRIBLE! That was like, right there with Fear Her and Love and Monsters. That was SO, SO BAD, YOU GUYS.

Look, I get that Doctor Who is science fiction. I get that. I watch it every week, and I suspend belief all the time. He’s an alien with two hearts that travels time and space in a blue box, and I believe that. I allow my brain to accept that as truth when I watch Doctor Who. But this?! This is unacceptable.

First, you can’t just change science! If the moon’s mass changed even slightly, the world would be completely screwed up. Also, even if it popped out of existence for just a few seconds, like it did at the end of this episode, again, the world would be completely screwed.
Second, this episode just changed a TON of Doctor Who canon, didn't? Am I wrong? What about to UNIT’s Moonbase?! What about the travel to Mars? How can the space program have stopped in 2039 according to this episode, and was going on just fine from 2041 onward in Waters of Mars? And according to web pages seen in Waters of Mars, numerous lunar missions happened, including ten German missions and Project Pit Stop, which built a refueling station on the moon.

I AM SO CONFUSED.

Oh, and don’t even get me started on the egg thing, the OH MY GOD LOOK A NEW MOON WAS LAID BY A NEWBORN ALIEN THE EXACT SAME SIZE AS THE EGG IS JUST LAID IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE LAST MOON HATCHED SO EVERYTHING IS OKAY AND COMPLETELY BACK TO NORMAL, and how mean and, yeah, I’m gonna go there, abusive and controlling the Doctor is to Clara in this episode.

**WARNING. SNARK AHEAD**

On the moon in 2049, Clara contacts earth to ask for help with a decision. The Doctor is gone, and possibly not coming back. Courtney is with her. A life hangs in the balance, and they have 45 minutes to decide what to do…

Jump backwards in time, to Coal Hill School. Clara tells the Doctor that he told Courtney she’s not special. Courtney has been acting up since, and Clara wants him to fix it. Seriously? I mean…seriously? I honestly don’t even know how to comment on how stupid that is…

Clara and the Doctor enter the TARDIS, and Courtney is already there. How? Does she have a key? He never just leaves it open….except this on time, I guess? Courtney whines about not being special, and the Doctor decides to take her to the moon.

Instead of the moon, the TARDIS lands on a shuttle filled with nuclear bombs. It crash lands on the moon. The Doctor explains to his companions and the shuttle’s crew that gravity is broken, and the moon has gained mass. ….what? Just….what? How would the moon suddenly gain mass. Like, suddenly, all of a sudden?! WAT.

So, the crew is going to explode the moon, because it’s gotten fat. That’s what the bombs are for. WHAT.

They all go explore a moon mine that’s covered in cobwebs. WHAT?!? One of the crew goes off to arm the bombs. The moon mine was abandoned ten years ago. No one knows what happened to the crew. No one could get up to the moon because they had no shuttles. Or rockets. OR FRICKING ANYTHING, ANYWHERE?! WHAT?!?!?!? So it took them ten years to get a shuttle out of a museum and go see what happened to the moon miners. Guys, we’re eleven minutes in and I feel like my head is going to explode…

The moon miners are discovered dead, and another of the crew goes off alone to get some power on. I WONDER WHO’S GONNA DIE IN THIS EPISODE?!

The power comes back on, but it’s unreliable and flashes in and out spookily. The Doctor examines the miner’s data and realizes that the moon is coming apart. ….WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?

Outside, the astronaut that went to arm the bombs is killed by something unseen.

Back in the mining compound, something is skittering around in the dark. It’s an alien spider-thing, and it attacks the astronaut that was trying to get the power on when he enters the room. Courtney gets separated from the Doctor and Clara when the door between them closes. She suddenly goes floating through the air. Gravity fails…but why is the spider not floating? WHY??

Gravity comes back, and the spider almost attacks Courtney, but she sprays and kills it with the Windex she just happens to have packed in her spacesuit backpack. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?

The Doctor explains that the spiders are actually huge single-celled germs. So…what about the webs? WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING?!

He also explains that Courtney floated because the mass of the moon shifted. It’s an unstable mass. I CAN’T EVEN…

Courtney asks to go home, and the Doctor and Clara argue about it. He puts Courtney into the TARDIS for safe-keeping.

Clara mentions having been in the future and remembering seeing the moon. The Doctor explains—he explains a lot this episode—that there are some things he can’t see. Grey areas when big things are decided. He can’t tell what happens to the moon because what happens hasn’t been decided yet. Which means it’s up to them to decide. …..wut?

The Doctor, Clara and the remaining astronaut find more dead miners outside, and the Doctor is attacked by a germ. He saves himself, and they see hundreds of germs hiding in a moon cave. And then he discovers amniotic fluid on the moon, and jumps into a moon crater. WHAT?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Courtney is bored and putting moon pictures on Tumblr, and Clara watches the shuttle—with the TARDIS aboard—fall into a crater during a moonquake. Courtney is fine, and uses a disc to eventually bring the TARDIS back to the Doctor.

The Doctor returns from his trip into the crater, and explains that the moon isn’t breaking apart. The moon is hatching. The moon is an egg. And that was when I literally said out loud in my empty living room, “Oh for f**cking sh** this is ridiculous.” I almost turned it off, you guys. That’s NEVER happened before. Not for the scribble monster, not for the stupid oral sex with pavement that has a face joke…but this? This was almost it for me. It’s only because you guys are relying on me that I continued. THIS IS MY SACRIFICE FOR YOU, DEAR READERS!

So for a hundred billion years, the moon has been an egg, growing and preparing to hatch. The spiders are bacteria on a living organism. Got it? Okay.

The astronaut wants to know how to kill it…and here’s where the anti-abortion debate begins. The Doctor, Clara and Courtney argue for the life, and the astronaut argues for the lives of billions on earth, which is pointless, because in both situations, EVERYONE IS GOING TO DIE ANYWAY! Human beings can’t freaking survive without the moon! ARGH. And, no. That’s all I’m going to say about the apparent anti-abortion message in this episode.

Clara asks the Doctor to help them decide what to do, and he refuses. “It’s not my earth, not my moon.” Because, y’know, he’s never, ever before made a decision to save the earth. Never, ever, ever. WHAT?!?!?!?!??!?!????!?!!!!??!!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

And then he leaves in the TARDIS. He leaves them to make the decision on their own. He LEAVES IN THE TARDIS AND ABANDONS HIS BEST FRIEND ON A MOON THAT’S INCREDIBLY UNSTABLE AND ABOUT TO BREAK APART. HE LEAVES HIS BEST. FRIEND. That’s it. My mind has exploded. I literally cannot even comprehend this anymore. IS THIS EVEN DOCTOR WHO ANYMORE?! WAT IS THIS SHOW?!

The two women fight about what to do; Clara wants to let the egg hatch, the astronaut wants to destroy it. The astronaut arms the bombs, and gives them an hour to make a final decision. Clara broadcasts to earth and asks them to help make the decision. She tells them that if they want to destroy the egg, they should turn their lights off. If they want to let it live, they should leave their lights on. All of the lights on earth go off. I’m not going to bring up how unlikely that is. Nope, not even gonna.

Clara almost listens to the people on earth…almost. But she presses the abort button on the bombs just in time. Just as she does, the TARDIS returns and the Doctor orders them all inside.
He takes them to a beach, where they watch the moon hatch. A huge dragon-thing flies away. The Doctor looks into the timelines—and this is pretty much the only cool part in the whole episode—and tells them what happens to humankind in the future, and then he tells Courtney she’s special, but in his own words.

AND THEN THE NEWBORN DRAGON-THING LAYS AN EGG EXACTLY THE SAME SIZE, SHAPE AND MASS AS THE OLD EGG, AND BIGGER THAN IT’S OWN FREAKING BODY WAS, AND TOTALLY MAKES THIS WHOLE FREAKING EPISODE COMPLETELY SILLY AND POINTLESS WHAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

The Doctor drops everyone off, but Clara stays. She’s angry. Much more angry that we’ve ever seen her. She threatens to smack him so hard he’ll regenerate. I’m not okay with that line at all. That’s not an okay line. Why is that an okay line? That’s a disturbing line, especially because of the way it’s delivered.

The Doctor explains that he had faith in Clara making the right choice and that Courtney will now become president of the US, which is impossible, because she’s English, but I guess the writers don’t care about the US Constitution.

Clara, now crying angry tears, is done. She’s just done with him, and his patronizing, disrespectful ways. And, for once, I’m on Clara’s side here. He was borderline abusive in this episode, and I’m not at all impressed with this. There’s being dark, which is what I was looking forward to with Capaldi’s Doctor, and then there’s being an abusive, controlling, patronizing asshole. The writers crossed that line with this episode, and they need to fix it, fast.

Clara tells the Doctor to leave, and to never come back. She’s done. The Doctor leaves.

Danny enters Clara’s classroom, and he can see that it’s happened. The Doctor has pushed Clara too far. Clara explains  everything. Danny is really brilliant in this particular scene, and I’m pretty sure I fell in love with him here, you guys. Danny mentions that he’s had a bad day, and Clara goes home to look at the moon…

You know my opinion about this episode, but I’d love to hear yours. Am I being too harsh?

Thoughts and Theories:
-What was Danny’s bad day? I’m of two minds on that. 1) It’s the anniversary of the day he killed the civilian—and I think it was a female civilian, by the way. Or 2) He’s just returned from a future trip with the Doctor where something bad happened, and was brought back to this timeline to comfort Clara for some reason.
-No mention of Missy or the Promise Land.
-Is Clara done? No sign of her in the next time trailer. No way is she done. That’s just some nice editing by the trailer creators.
-Will she then forgive the Doctor, or is her presence in the next episodes forced somehow?
-I’m not even going to bring up the moonegg, the moonegg creature, or anything else about this stupid episode.

Best Lines:
She took your psychic paper. She’s been using it as fake ID.

Shoot the little girl first.

Oh she can’t post that; she can’t put pictures of me online!



Okay, now watch the next time trailer, and meet me back here next week!







Monday, 29 September 2014

Doctor Who: The Caretaker



I…I don’t know how I feel about this episode. Directly after I finished watching The Caretaker, I thought I’d enjoyed it. It was fun, amusing, light, and reminded me a bit of The Lodger, an episode I love. But after sleeping on it, the small nit-picky things started to add up in my brain, and I realized that I didn’t like it as much as I thought I did.

Nit-picky things like the way the Doctor treats Clara sometimes. Why does he have to constantly insult her appearance? That’s not funny anymore. The Danny/Clara romance. Yep, I’m going back to that again. I just wish it wasn’t there. The new character, Courtney. Omg, I hate her. I really hope she gets better because I don’t think I can put up with her for very long (and if one of my theories is correct—see below—I may not have to. WINK, WINK).  We’ve just seen this before, y’know? The companion with the boyfriend who has to hide her adventures from him. Like Rose and Mickey. Like Amy and Rory. Why do we have to do this again?

So this was just another okay episode for me. But okay is better than ‘meh’. It was enjoyable, it was fun, it did have some amusing bits. It just wasn’t a home run, fantastic, can’t beat this, ever episode for me.

Let’s get on to it, then!

We open with a sweaty Doctor and companion chained up on a hot planet. They’re bickering about how they’re going to get free. And then a bunch of quick flashes—On a date with Danny, who notices that Clara is much more tanned than she was—Flash--the Doctor in the TARDIS beckons to Clara and mentions fish people—Flash--in a cab with Danny, Clara is very wet and has seaweed in her hair—and it continues in this manner for a few more flashes. I’m dizzy now.

So, yeah, basically Clara is having a hard time trying to have a normal dating life while travelling through all of time and space. Fortunately, the Doctor has decided that he needs to go undercover for a while, and Clara can’t go with him. They have a finger-snapping TARDIS-door-opening argument, and Clara exits. I guess she’ll, “See him when she sees him.”

At Coal Hill School—and by the way, this would have been a PERFECT episode for an Ian Chesterton cameo. It makes me sad that they didn’t add one—Clara and Danny arrive separately, at the same time. The new character, Courtney, is on the steps, giggling at them. Danny and Clara discuss how busy Clara’s been lately, and she promises that the next few days are all about him. Unfortunately, that’s a lie…

At a staff meeting, a new caretaker is introduced. His name is John Smith, but most people call him The Doctor…

Clara gets the Doctor alone and confronts him. He won’t tell her why he’s there…yet. But there is a River mention, which is fun. It’s often difficult to remember that this is the same man that *is* still married to River Song!

Outside, a police officer hears a noise and enters an abandoned building…full of mannequins. We see those a lot in Doctor Who, don’t we? Pesky autons. But this time, it’s not the mannequins we have to worry about. It’s a skittering, robotic alien thing, and it kills the police officer.

At the school, Clara finds the Doctor…eventually. As she makes her way to him, she’s stopped by students and teachers alike, and Courtney is one of them. Courtney says…something?...to Clara. I can’t understand what it is she says, even after rewinding and turning the volume way up. Neither can Clara, apparently. Since it happens more than once, I’m guessing it’s important, and we’ll hear more of it in upcoming episodes?

The Doctor is attempting to fix something, and Danny is watching on. Clara eavesdrops as the Doctor insults Danny. We’re again shown that the Doctor isn’t at all fond of soldiers. Yet another thing that will be explained, eventually? Danny leaves, and Clara brings up his last name; Pink. She tries to remind the Doctor of another Pink they recently met, and he doesn’t remember at all. Is he lying? Hmm.

The Doctor places a small blinking device inside the electrical box and asks Clara about her boyfriend. Clara is immediately stopped by a teacher who looks pretty much exactly like the Eleventh Doctor, complete with an adorable mop of hair and a bow tie. Of course, our new Doctor assumes that this is the boyfriend.

We now go into a small montage of the Doctor doing his caretaker duties and placing small blinking devices around the school, and of Clara doing her teacher duties. In a hilarious scene, the Doctor sees Clara disciplining a couple of student, and whistles a familiar line from Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick in the Wall” at her. I loved that little touch.

The Doctor returns to his workshop, where he’s hidden the TARDIS. Courtney enters, looking for paper towels. She inquires about the blue box, and about the green glow that was coming from inside the box. The Doctor brushes her off, and as she exits and Clara enters, Courtney again says something to Clara that I can’t understand at all. Is it in a different language, or am I just bad at hearing the accent?

The Doctor finally tells Clara why he’s there. He’s searching for an alien—a Skovox Blitzer, one of the deadliest creatures in the galaxy. He then brings out a new toy—a watch of invisibility! …so where was this when he’s needed it a thousand times before?! Are we just creating new tech for the purpose of one story again?! This watch will probably never be seen after this episode. Ugh. UGH. I hate that.

Right, so the Doctor explains how he’s going to catch the Skovox—he’s going to activate the blinky things, keep it from scanning him with the watch of invisibility, and suck it into a time vortex. Easy-peasy!

The Doctor brings up Clara’s boyfriend, but there’s a miscommunication. He’s actually talking about the Eleven doppleganger, and she thinks he means Danny. He says that he likes the boyfriend, and essentially approves because he thinks she’s pretty much dating his former self. Um. Wat.

Later that night, the Doctor hunts the Skovox, Clara hunts for the Doctor, and Danny finds blinky things. The Doctor, while invisible, finds the Skovox. It chases him into the school, where Danny sees them. Danny is almost killed by the Skovox, Clara finds them both and tries to pull Danny to safety. The Doctor gets the Skovox into the time portal, yells at Danny for deactivating the blinky things, and Danny finally realizes that something isn’t right here…

The Skovox is gone, but it’ll be back. In three days. And now they need a new plan, because it saw the Doctor, and it’ll kill him on sight. Danny—who the Doctor now calls P.E.—questions Clara. He understands that she’s a space woman. Clara says it’s all a play…apparently she thinks her boyfriend is an idiot.

Danny realizes who the Doctor really is…he thinks he’s her dad. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Clara tells the Doctor that Danny is her boyfriend. The Doctor denies that for a while, and Clara admits that she loves Danny. The Doctor is jealous. JEALOUS. That’s very apparent, and it’s kinda sad.

Clara finally admits to Danny that the Doctor is an alien, and that they’re time travellers. She shows him the TARDIS, and now Danny is in the elite “I know the Doctor club.”

Danny asks if the Doctor brought the Skovox, and the Doctor denies that. He’s absolutely lying. Earlier he said that the Skovox was there because it was attracted to the arton energy. Only one thing creates arton energy. The TARDIS. It’s because of the Doctor’s frequent travels to London that the Skovox decided to visit.

Danny wants to call in the army, and the Doctor rudely forces both Clara and Danny to leave. Clara takes Danny home, where she explains everything.  She tells him that she travels with the Doctor because of the things she sees and feels. Danny is—understandably—very upset. Clara has lied to him for months. Yet, I can also understand Clara’s thinking. How do you explain time travelling to a muggle? Tough spot to be in, Clara.

Clara steals the invisibility watch and gives it to Danny. They’re going to hide him so that he can see that she interacts exactly the same way with the Doctor as she’s described to him already. Because he doesn’t trust her, I guess? This is a tricksy plan, and I don’t like it at all.

Invisible Danny watches on as Clara and the Doctor bicker. The Doctor calls her bluff—he knows Danny is there--and Danny shows himself. This is when Danny goes off on the Doctor, and y’know, I think I like it. The Doctor has been such a jackass to Danny—and to Clara—and Danny finally calls him on it. Danny treats the Doctor as he would treat an officer; with respect, and as an authority figure. The Doctor hates it and gets yelly. He kicks Danny out of the TARDIS, and Clara leaves with him.

Courtney enters, and asks about the blue box again. The Doctor tells her, and shows her exactly what it is. So, um….what? Okay, then. I guess we’re just going to tell anyone about it, then?
Courtney asks if she can travel with the Doctor, and he says he’ll let her know. He may have a vacancy,

Oh, it’s also parents night at Coal Hill School, and Danny and Clara talk to Courtney’s parents.

Surprisingly, the Skovox returns early; much earlier than expected. And during parents night. The Doctor, looking very ghostbuster-like, beckons to Clara. He needs assistance. Danny sees the Doctor beckoning, and follows. The Doctor screams at him a bit, and then tells Clara what she needs to do.
Yet again, we’re shown how much different this Doctor is from our last incarnation. This one uses Clara as bait, and doesn’t tell her that that’s what she is. Eleven would never have done that.

Clara attracts the Skovox, and it follows her. Danny follows them both, and saves the world with some quick thinking and acrobatics when the Doctor’s plan fails and the Skovox initiates its self-destruct. The Doctor finally makes the Skovox shut down, and the threat is over.

Then the touching crap happens with Danny and Clara. Danny tells the Doctor that he’ll be good enough for Clara, blah, blah.

The Doctor gets rid of the Skovox in outer space, and Courtney is with him in the TARDIS. She’s not big on space travel, and pukes.

Clara and Danny are snuggled up watching TV, talking. Danny mentions things that are some huge foreshadowing. That’s the only reason that I can think of for the whole scene. Danny says that the Doctor will push her to do things that she’d never think of doing. Clara tells Danny that she trusts him. Danny makes her promise to tell him if the Doctor ever pushes her too far. If she breaks that promise, they’re over.  So…what’s the Doctor going to do that pushes Clara too far, and makes her lie to Danny about it?

And, finally, we get another glimpse at Missy and the promise land. The police officer that the Skovox killed early on is telling a new gentleman what happened to him. This part of the promise land—also called the Nethersphere--looks very different. It’s a plain white corridor, with while furniture. The Police officer exclaims, “God.” The man—is he supposed to be like St. Peter at the pearly gates?—says, “She’s a bit busy now”, and out comes Missy. So, Missy is God? That’s what we’re led to believe. Interesting plot development!

So that was a fun episode, with many funny lines, but it mostly fell flat for me. However, I do have a few theories that came from this episode!

Thoughts and theories:
-Because of the next time trailer, I believe that the Doctor is going to sacrifice Courtney. This will be the thing that pushes Clara too far, and will be the beginning of the end of her travelling with the 
Doctor. Or…that’ll be what we’re led to believe. Whether or not Clara leaves is still up for debate.

-What’s the pin on the lapel of the new intake guy in the Nethersphere? I think Missy wears a similar brooch.

-Who’s the new Nethersphere guy?

-Again, who’s Missy?

-What’s the Nethersphere, exactly?

-Why are the people who end up in the Nethersphere there? Why them, specifically? Is it because their deaths are all caused by the Doctor?

-Why is Courtney important? Is she just a plot device?

-Will Danny travel with the Doctor and Clara now that he knows everything?

-Why does this Doctor hate soldiers so much?

Best Lines:
“Why have you got two jackets? Is one of them faulty?!”

“So you recognize me then.”
“You’re wearing a different coat!”
“Saw straight through that.”

“The walls need sponging, and there’s a sinister puddle…”

“The door. It says, keep out.”
“No, it says, go away humans.”

“Crocodileopolis. They worship a big crocodile there, so the name is a useful coincidence.”

“How can you think that I’m her dad when we both look exactly the same age?!”

“It’s a mistake, you’ve made a boyfriend error.”


From the trailer, next week’s episode looks scary, dark, and really, really good! See y’all then!










Saturday, 20 September 2014

Doctor Who: Time Heist



Guys, I REALLY liked this episode! Like, I REALLY, REALLY liked it! It was fun, and fast-paced, and I loved the characters, and the plot, and the whole story! What a fun, brilliant episode! It feels like this season has taken a complete 180 degree turn and I love it!

Now, even the best, most amazing episodes of Doctor Who are tough to recap. I worry about leaving important things out, and they often get so long that people are too intimidated to read it….kinda like last week’s!

This week, I find myself in a similar situation, but not because it’s a top ten type of episode—although it is so, so good! This episode was just really, really dense. There was so much going on, and I’m afraid I’m going to leave something out!

This definitely isn’t one for the kiddies, guys, and in a way, I found it much more dark and disturbing than Listen was. The Teller is a terrifying creature!

Here we go!

The Doctor wants to spend time with Clara, but she has another date with Danny. I love her outfit, by the way. Sorry, had to mention it. It’s cute. ;)

Unfortunately—or fortunately?—the TARDIS phone starts to ring. Only a few people in the universe have that number, including some woman in a shop. Again, a mention about that woman! Interesting…

The Doctor answers the phone, and, POOF!, he and Clara are suddenly sitting at a table holding memory worms! You guys remember memory worms, right? They eat memories, and now the Doctor, Clara, and the two strangers at the table have no idea where they are, or why they’re there.

A recording tells them that they’ve all agreed to the memory wipe, and it gives a little bit of info about the strangers. Psi is an augmented human, and Saibra, as we find out a bit later, is a shape-shifter.

That was a GREAT cold opening!

The recording also tells them that they’re there to rob the most secure bank in the galaxy, that bank security is after them, and that everything they need to know is in a case in front of them.

In another part of the bank, Miss. Delphox gets a call from the bank security, who have apparently touched the memory worms…

Miss. Delphox calls for ‘the Teller’. Oooh, what’s that precious? What’s The Teller?

The Doctor finds out more about his new friends—Psi is a former bank robber, and Saibra can change form into anyone she touches. Well that’s handy, innit?!

Saibra shifts into a bank customer, and the heist begins! In the bank, they come across Miss Delphox and The Teller. He’s frickin’ terrifying, but that’s some damn good CGI/make-up effects! So The Teller can scan people’s thoughts for lies and guilt, and then he wipes their memories, leaving their skull disgustingly concave. It’s freakin’ gross!

The Doctor and Friends enter another part of the bank, and Psi pulls up a bank schematic. The Doctor finds a bomb in another case, and blows up the floor; although it doesn’t exactly blow up. The bomb is a dimensional shift bomb, and it just displaces the, er…matter, I guess? The Doctor easily puts the floor back the way it was after they’ve all climbed through, and security has no idea where they’ve gone.

Oh, and yeah, security is still after them because Miss Delphox has realized that the dude the Teller erased wasn’t actually the right target. MAN THAT’S GOTTA SUCK! Now he’s got a dented head and no memory, all because of a mistake!

Team Not-Dead finds another case left by the architect, and the Doctor explains that the reason their memories had to be wiped is because, well, the more they know, the more guilt they’ll feel. The more guilt they feel, the louder they project that guilt, which means the Teller can hear them, and find them. SO that’s a neat explanation!

They open the case and find…something. An alarm goes off, and Clara stays with Psi as the Doctor and Saibra go to investigate. Psi tells Clara that he wiped his own memory to prevent anyone finding out about his friends and family during an interrogation. Well that’s sad. Now the guy has no idea who his family is!

The Doctor tells Saibra that the things that were in the case were an “exit strategy”. Saibra tells the Doctor that no one can touch her. If they do, she’ll transform, and no one wants to see their own eyes looking back at them.

Team Not-Dead meet back up and they find memory wiped people in a cell. So, ew.

Another alarm goes off, and Team Not-Dead run into another area. They find themselves in the room where the Teller’s, um…cell? Box? Prison…is located. The Teller is in forced hibernation, but then it locks on to Clara’s mind. She needs to keep her mind blank, but it wakes up anyway. The team runs, but the Teller then locks on to Saibra. The Doctor knows she’s doomed, and so he gives her one of the ‘exit strategy’ things. Basically, it’s painless, instant death. Saibra takes it, but firsts he calls the Doctor a ‘good man’. Isn’t that a theme this season? Hmm.

The rest of Team Not-Dead escapes, and they find another case.

Meanwhile, Miss Delphox releases the Teller into the tunnels to find Team Not-Dead.
In the case, Clara finds a card and stashes it in a pocket.  The team hears the Teller coming, and the Doctor tells them they need to split up. Before they do, he gives Psi an ‘exit strategy’. Here’s another big hint that the Twelfth Doctor is so not the Eleventh. Eleven would never split up from Clara, right? Of course right.

Psi hooks himself up to the bank computer, and begins to unlock the vault.

Clara runs, but the Teller finds her.

Psi saves her life by downloading dozens of thieves and villains into himself. Didja catch a glimpse of those faces? See any familiar? HOW ABOUT CAPTAIN JOHN FRICKIN’ HART FROM TORCHWOOD! I also saw a weevil, a Slitheen, an Ice Warrior, the Trickster, a Sensorite, the Sheriff from A Town Called Mercy…that was a ton of great nods to previous episodes!

The Teller goes after Psi, who uses the exit strategy. RIP, Psi. I really liked you!

The bank vault fails to open, and then a solar storm happens. This makes the Doctor realize that this isn’t just a bank heist; it’s a time travel heist.

The vault unlocks, and Clara and the Doctor use the card that was in the last case to find the boxes they need.

In one box, for Psi, was a circuit that would give him his memories back. In the second box, a gene suppressant for Saibra, that would make her normal. For Clara and the Doctor? Well, their item is in the personal vault. Unfortunately, the Teller finds them before they can get to it.

It takes them to Miss Delphox, who orders them killed, and then takes the Teller back to its prison.

BUT GUYS, PSI AND SAIBRA AREN’T EVEN DEAD OH MY GODDDDD I’M SO HAPPY! Saibra has changed her face, and Psi takes off his helmet! They were the guards all along, hooray! Apparently the ‘exit strategy’ takes them to a ship in orbit?! WHAT?!

The Doctor gives Psi and Saibra their rewards from the vault, and Team Not-Dead makes their way to the private vault.

Here they meet the bank owner herself, Director Karabraxos. And she looks exactly like Miss Delphox. Apparently she clones herself to ensure she gets the best security. Whoa, weird.
 The Director is going to kill her clone, and this causes the Doctor to have one of his epiphanies—I do love those—He realizes that HE IS THE ARCHITECT!

He gives the Director his TELEPHONE NUMBER, YOU GUYS. She takes off with a bunch of her treasures.

The Doctor realizes that there were 6 exit strategies, and he knows he’s on the verge of understanding what’s going on. The Teller arrives, and the Doctor allows it to go through his memories.

The Doctor remembers everything. The Director, now old and with many regrets, was the one that called him and asked him to rob the bank. He remembers picking up Psi and Saibra, placing the cases, being the architect. THIS IS BRILLIANT, YOU GUYS.

The Doctor realizes tells the Teller that he’s free to do what he wants to do…and the Teller opens the private vault. Inside is another Teller. A mate, chained to the wall, and now free.
With six exit strategies, the Doctor realizes that this was always a rescue mission, not a bank heist. BEST EVER, RIGHT?!

He takes the Tellers to a quiet planet where they can be alone forever.

On the TARDIS, Team Not-Dead bonds over Chinese, and then they say goodbye. I really, really hope we see them again.

And then he drops Clara off for her date with Danny.

Such a great episode, right?! I just really liked it. I didn’t have to think too much, and it was just fun!

Thoughts and theories:
-Again no mention of the big season plot. Aside from the woman in the shop line.
-Will we see Psi and Saibra again?

Best Lines:
“Why’s your face all coloured in?”

“Still don’t understand why you’re in charge.”
“Basically it’s the eyebrows.”

“Shut up. Everybody, just, just shut up. Shut up, just shut up, shut up, shut up shutity shut up up up.”

“De-shut up!”

“Big scarf. Bow tie. Bit embarrassing. What do you think of the new look? I was going for minimalism, but I think I came out with magician.”

“Of course I’m kidding. It’s a time machine, not a miracle worker.”

Okay, watch the trailer for The Caretaker now, guys! JOHN FRICKIN’ SMITH!





See you next week! 





Saturday, 13 September 2014

Doctor Who: Listen



YOU GUYS. I feel like I’ve been waiting YEARS for this episode! OH WAIT, I HAVE! Not since series five’s Vincent and the Doctor have I been this impressed, this touched, this emotional, and this much in love with Doctor Who. THIS WAS AN AMAZING EPISODE. MOFFAT IS BACK, BAYBEE. THE MAN IS A GENIUS. I’M SO SORRY I FORGOT THAT.

I mean, to tie in the War Doctor’s barn with this episode is just BRILLIANT! And Capaldi! MY GOD, CAPALDI! He KILLED IT in this episode! If you weren’t sure about him as the Doctor before, you HAVE to be now! He epitomized everything the Doctor is, and it was beautiful!

And if you missed it, Moffat went right back to episode one, The Unearthly Child, when Clara said, “Fear makes a companion of us all.” The very First Doctor said that exact same thing to Barbara. 

Isn’t that just perfect? Damn, I love it when Moffat does this to me! I’d let myself forget how he can make me feel! I LOVE STEVEN MOFFAT, YOU GUYS. DON’T LET ME FORGET AGAIN.
This is going to be an instant classic, and it’s now easily in my top five favourite episodes!

QUICK, LET US DISCUSS THIS THING OF BEAUTY! *queue angels singing*

Listen”, is how we open, and listen is what we’ll do. The Doctor meditates on the top of the TARDIS as it floats above a planet—earth?

Inside the TARDIS, the Doctor wonders to himself why we talk out loud when we’re alone. He believes it’s because we’re never alone. How scary is THAT thought?!

He maintains that there’s perfect hunting, perfect defense…so why no perfect hiding? I mean, we’d never know if there was a creature that was the perfect hider, right? So…he wants to find it, of course!

He puts his chalk down as he talks to himself…or to whatever may be listening…but when he reaches for it again, it’s gone. We then see it on the floor, where it rolls into his foot. As he stands and glances at the empty chalkboard—it’s not empty anymore. The word, “Listen” is written….

COOL OPENING CREDITS TIME!

At Clara’s, she’s apparently had a horrible, horrible date with Danny. Okay, I’ma say this: I wish there didn’t have to be a romance in this show. Why is it that as soon as the Doctor regenerated into someone older, they had to add a handsome younger love interest for Clara? Ugh. Regardless, here he is, and I do like him.

During the date, Clara and Danny get on well, at first. Then they both stick their feet further and further into their mouths, and they just fight. Like, a lot. About everything. It’s weird.

Clara ends up storming off, and finds the Doctor hiding in her bedroom at home. He needs Clara for a “thing”, and she joins him in the TARDIS.  He explains his theory about a silent, hidden companion. What if no one is ever alone?

He shows her the “listen” written on the chalkboard. Clara says it looks like his handwriting. However, he says he doesn’t remember writing it…

He then explains about a certain nightmare everyone has; waking alone, in the dark. Putting your feet on the floor, and someone from under your bed grabbing your ankle…Doesn’t everyone have this dream? The Doctor has, Clara has, hell, even I have!

To find out when Clara has had this dream, the Doctor links her with the TARDIS. I didn’t know that could be done. Neat.

Clara needs to focus on when she had the dream, but her phone rings as she’s trying to concentrate.
The TARDIS lands and the Doctor is certain they’re in the right place. It’s a children’s home, in the mid-90s. The year is right.

The Doctor goes inside, and tells Clara to wait inside the TARDIS. Instead, she looks up to see a boy in a window. He calls to her, and they talk. He tells her his name is Rupert Pink, but that he wants to change it….Yup, she’s landed in DANNY’s childhood, not her own!

She sneaks inside to talk little Rupert-Danny as the Doctor is speaking to the night watchman (OH, HAI PSYCHIC PAPER!).

As Clara bonds with scared little Rupert under his bed, the springs creak as if someone sits on it. When they emerge, the bedspread takes the form of a person. THIS PART IS SO FREAKING CREEPY.

The Doctor has been watching from the chair, where he was trying to find Waldo in a book. Apparently Waldo, who’s called Wally in the UK, ISN’T in every book. WHAT THE HELL?!
He tells Rupert that being scared is like having a superpower. It makes a person stronger, faster, smarter, and the being scared is absolutely okay.

He guides them to the window. He tells Rupert and Clara to turn their backs on the thing under the bedspread; to not look at it, and to promise to never look at it. The bedspread monster pulls the bedspread off—we only get a blurry glimpse of what’s underneath—and then it runs out the door. DAT WAS THE CREEPIEST BEDSPREAD I’VE EVER SEEN.

Clara helps Rupert feel braver by using plastic soldiers. She places them so that they’ll watch over him as he sleeps. Rupert calls the head soldier, “Dan the soldier man”. The Doctor puts Rupert to sleep, and the two leave his timeline.

Back on the TARDIS, the Doctor wonders why the TARDIS landed at Rupert’s dream instead of Clara’s.  Clara lies/doesn’t tell him, and the Doctor mentions that Rupert won’t remember a thing because he gave the child a dream about being, “Dan the soldier man”. So, um, the Doctor pretty much made Danny Pink who he is. Ha!

Clara has the Doctor take her back to the end of her date with Danny, and she goes back in to try to fix things. She fails, but this time Danny’s the one who storms off, because he knows that Clara is lying about, well, pretty much everything.

Oddly, a man in a spacesuit, complete with full face mask—much like the Doctor’s familiar orange spacesuit!—beckons to Clara from the kitchen of the restaurant. Clara follows, where she finds, not the Doctor in the suit, but a man who looks exactly like Danny! The Doctor enters and explains that the man is Orson Pink, and he’s from one hundred years into her future.  The Doctor has used some of Clara’s psychic whatever stuff, and that brought him to Orson. So Orson must have something to do with Clara’s timeline. HAHAHAHA! Okay, so we’re supposed to think Clara and Danny have kids, hmm? That’s adorable!

The Doctor brings Clara back to where he found Orson—the end of the universe. No, not like in Utopia, a different end of the universe. The TARDIS isn’t supposed to go there, but he’d turned the safeguards off to bring them into Clara’s past earlier.

The Doctor explains that Orson is the very first time traveller, but he was over shot. Like, way over shot. He’s been stranded for 6 months, and the Doctor promises to take him home.

The Doctor tells Orson that the TARDIS needs to recharge, and so they need to stay where they are for one night. Orson doesn’t like that idea.

Clara puts him into the TARDIS to be safe, and from his bag falls a small toy soldier. Yep, it’s Dan the Soldier Man! A family heirloom that brings luck, as Orson explains.

Orson tells Clara that time travel runs in the family. According to a story, one of his great-grandparents was a time traveller. Orson gives the toy soldier to Clara.

Outside the TARDIS, Clara and the Doctor wait for whatever Orson was afraid of. Orson’s ship starts to make noise, clangs and bangs, and the Doctor explains them away. Temperature changes, pressure changes, systems switching to low power…But, of course, he doesn’t believe that.

Suddenly, there’s a knocking on the hatch—or is it the hull cooling? The Doctor needs to see, and unlocks the hatch. He orders Clara into the TARDIS, but he stays. He has to know…

Clara watches on the TARDIS viewer, which craps out as she watches. An alarm on Orson’s ship goes off. The hull has been breached. The Doctor holds on for dear life as things are sucked out. Orson grabs him and pulls him into the TARDIS.

The Doctor was hit on the head, and he’s unconscious. The cloister bell rings as the TARDIS shakes, and Clara once again joins with the TARDIS to try to get them home. They land, and Clara exits to see where they are.

It’s a barn full of hay. In a bed in a small loft, a child is crying. As she’s about to comfort the child, a man and woman enter, and Clara hides beneath the bed.

The man and woman remark on the crying child, and why he sleeps in the barn. The child doesn’t want anyone to hear that he cries. The woman tells the child that he’s welcome to sleep in the house, and that he’s not alone. As they leave, the man says that the boy can’t just run away and cry all the time if he wants to join the army. The woman says that the boy doesn’t want to join the army, and the man says, “Well he’s not going to the academy, is he? He’ll never make a Time Lord.” Right around here is when I started screaming. Like, literally screaming, “OH MY GOD OH MY GOD WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING THAT’S, WHAT, OH MY GODDDDDDDD”. My dogs freaked out. It was horrible. I scared the whole house. And then I started crying.

The Doctor in the TARDIS wakes, and yells for Clara. The boy hears, and calls out a, “Hello?”  Clara has also realized who the crying boy is, and as the boy puts his feet on the floor, she grabs his ankle. SHE GRABS HIS FREAKING ANKLE. SHE’S THE DREAM, YOU GUYS. IT WAS HER ALL ALONG!

She realizes what she’s done, and she tells the boy it’s all a dream. The boy lies back down in his bed, and Clara comforts him. We never get to see his face, which I’m VERY okay with, and she tells him to listen. She tells him she knows he’s afraid, and that being afraid is alright. Fear is a superpower that makes you cleverer, and stronger. And one day, he’s going to come back to this barn, (YOU GUYS, I’M SOBBING NOW. I CAN’T EVEN……MOFFAT, YOU DAMN GENIUS.) and he’s going to be very afraid. As we see the War Doctor walking to the barn—because when you’re afraid, you often go to the place that’s comforting and familiar and safe—Clara tells him that, on that day, if he’s very wise, and very strong, fear doesn’t have to make him cruel or cowardly, fear can make him kind. Clara tells him there’s nothing under the bed, or in the dark, and she tells him that it’s okay to be afraid. He’s always going to be afraid, but fear is like a constant companion. It’s always there, and that’s okay, because fear can bring people together, and fear can bring people home. And she leaves him Dan the Soldier Man so that he remembers that, “Fear makes companions of us all.” (SOBBING. JUST UGLY, UGLY SOBBING. THE SAME THING ONE SAID TO BARBARA. THE SAME FREAKING THING. EXACT WORDS. EXACT!)

On the TARDIS, the Doctor asks where they are. Clara tells him to leave; to just not look, and leave. He doesn’t like it, but trusts her, and leaves.

They drop Danny off in his time and say goodbye.

Then Clara hugs the Doctor, and he’s against the hugging. And I’m still freaking crying, but now I’m laugh-crying. It’s a huge mess. I’m a blubbering fool. It’s awesome. I love it.

Then Clara rings the bell at Danny’s, and the two make up, and smooch.

IT WAS THE SAME FREAKING BARN YOU GUYS. THE.SAME. BARN. AHHHHHHHHH THAT’S SO PERFECT. THAT WAS PERFECT WRITING. THAT WAS PERFECT EVERYTHING.

Okay, so who else is sure that Dan the Soldier Man is going to come into play again very soon, when both Danny and the Doctor pull him out of their pockets?! Ha!

Now, I’m hearing some grumbling about this episode. Some say that it’s all about Clara, again,  (It’s so not), and many just didn’t understand it. To those of you that feel this way, please watch it again. Please. If you still feel this way, than I guess you’re probably a Moffat-hating person, and there’s nothing I can say to change your mind.

To those of you who loved it, my kindred spirits, I adore you. You get it, and you get me. I heart you guys! ♥

I’ve also heard a few people asking these questions:
-Who was under the sheet?
 It was just a kid playing a joke. Another student trying to play a trick on Rupert. Nothing more, nothing less.

-Who moved the chalk?
No one, it fell. Stuff falls.

-Who made the noises?
No one, it was exactly the things the Doctor said it was. Pressure, temperature. Houses creak, spaceships clang.
Regardless, who cares?! Like in the episode, Midnight, not knowing makes it scarier!

Thoughts and theories:
-Clara is now all over the Doctor’s timeline, right from his childhood. However, he never actually sees her this time, so I have no problem with that. Yes, this makes Clara a very important companion. Perhaps the most important. Again, I have no problem with this. It doesn’t change how I feel about her, for better or worse.
-Why did the Doctor suddenly think this all up? I guess because he’s 2000 years old, a bit mad, and seemingly has been off travelling on his own, without Clara, for a while? I guess it doesn’t really matter, does it? It made for a great frickin’ story.
-Why was the TARDIS able to land on time-locked Gallifrey? I think for a couple of reasons. 1) The safeguards were off. 2) Gallifrey itself isn’t time locked. Only Gallifrey during the Time War is.
-I’m hearing that some people are saying the little boy in the bed wasn’t the Doctor, but the Master as a child. To those I say, “WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K?! What show were you watching, because it sure wasn’t this episode!”
-No Missy/Promised Land in this episode. I’m okay with that, too.

Best lines:
Why do you have three mirrors? Why don’t you just turn your head?

What’s wrong with your face, it’s all eyes, why are you all eyes?! Get them under control!

She’s doing to all eyes thing, it’s because her face is so wide, she needs three mirrors.


What’s that in the mirror, or the corner of your eye,
Footsteps following, but never passing by,
Perhaps they’re all just waiting,
Perhaps when we’re all dead,
Out they’ll come a’slithering,
From underneath the bed.

Okay, now go watch the trailer for Time Heist, and we’ll meet back here in a week!